DAVID PISARRA

Archive for the ‘child custody’ Category

Portugal Soccer Star Cristiano Ronaldo Becomes Single Dad

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Paternity Issues on July 4, 2010 at 6:20 am
Congratulations are in order for Cristiano Ronaldo who announced today that his is a single father, and will assume full guardianship of his son. It’s great to see high profile men like him putting a face on single fathers.
Single Father Cristiano assumes Guardianship of his son.
MADRID (AP) — Cristiano Ronaldo has become a father, according to his website, although the mother’s identity is being kept a secret.

The Real Madrid and Portugal winger says “it is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become father to a baby boy. As agreed with the baby’s mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential, my son will be under my exclusive guardianship.”

No date for the birth was given.

The 25-year-old Ronaldo is not married and he has asked for his child’s privacy to be respected.

Ronaldo’s agent was not available for comment.

Portugal was knocked out of the World Cup by Spain.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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Abuse of Restraining Orders? Protection Order didn’t go far enough?

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Child Support, Domestic Violence, Parental Alienation, Paternity Issues, Perjury, Restraining Orders, Spousal Support, Strategy Issues on June 27, 2010 at 10:18 pm

I was forwarded this  REALLY SAD article from a friend in Santa Fe about a father who kills his kids and then himself. Ex-wife and mother gets an Order of Protection on what appears to be thin statements,  but then ex-husband and father, murders his children and commits suicide. It demonstrates the difficulty of family law, because there’s no way of knowing if the Order of Protection (A Domestic Violence Restraining Order in other states) caused him to do this horrible deed, or if it just didn’t go far enough.

Even after years of both seeking them and fighting them, in the family law courts in Los Angeles, Orange and Riverside Counties, I still don’t know if they are helpful or hurtful in a divorce or a child custody fight.

Pot Smoking Fathers Still Get the Shaft

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Parental Alienation, Paternity Issues, Strategy Issues on June 21, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Here’s an article on the effects of Medical Marijuana on Child Custody for fathers. One more way in which the courts are keeping dads from their children. I disagree with this treatment, and believe that a good father is a good father, and if he is obeying the law and has a prescription for his marijuana it is no different than if he has a prescription for Xanax, Valium, Oxycontin or a host of other drugs that are easily abused. And let’s not forget that pops having a toke every now and then is not that different than mom and her glass of white wine in the tub.

Father’s Day Special: On Fatherhood and Raising Men

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Child Support, Parental Alienation, Paternity Issues, Uncategorized on June 17, 2010 at 9:22 am

I never really knew my father. Well, let me be clearer. I know who he was, he lived with me until I was 12, and then I lived with him on summer vacations and such. I have memories of going fishing once or twice with him. I recall fighting with him as a teenager, and the weekend before he died we had a great conversation, but I was 19 and in Boston for the summer.

My father was a World War 2 vet, but the way he told it, he was on an island in the pacific resupplying ships and it was a blast. He went to college on the GI bill and was salesman. He sold printing presses, then life insurance, and then funeral plans.

He was the 13th child born and the 11th child to live in his family. He was the baby who was raised by his sisters. Which partly explains his life skills, or lack thereof. Alcoholism took a hold of him fiercely, and it effected my family dramatically.

I am the baby in my family. I was the third son born, my parents were in their mid 40’s and by the time I came along, alcoholism was in full bloom and its effects were being felt throughout the family. My parents fought bitterly and viciously. My brothers, who were 16 and 14 years older than me, had more fully seen the terrors that I felt the repercussions of as a child.

So when my parents finally divorced, it brought peace to the household, but there was a cost. My father became sober soon afterwards, but I was a pre-teen, and parenting a pre-teen from afar is nigh on impossible. The job fell to my older brother Chris.

He was an island of calm, mostly, in a household of alcoholism and anxiety. For even though my parents had divorced, the long term negative effects of their marriage remained. My mother was struggling to make it financially, and battling with the bottle herself. My brother Chris took up the responsibility for being a father figure in my life and though he did a great job, and I love and respect him for it, he was only 28, and he had my father as his father. He was denied a good father just as much as I was, probably more.

When I look at my father’s life, I see the pattern of my life. I see how he was raised by his siblings, I see the lack of strong male figures to teach the hard lessons in life.

It is perhaps one of the reasons why I am attracted to the work I do.

As much as a mother can nurture a child, she cannot teach a boy how to be a man. Young boys need their mothers, but the more I think about it, and the more I learn about the way men develop, I believe it is the men who teach boys how to be men.

In the ancient Grecian state of Sparta, boys were raised by their mothers until they were 7 when there were sent to be raised by men. The understanding of boys and men, the ways in which we think and act, versus the manner in which we should act, these are lessons that need to be taught by men because we speak a common language.

Only another man intuitively understands my impulses towards anger, aggression, and sex. Only older, wiser men have been able to show me a better way of dealing with those topics.

Fathers, and father figures, are vitally important to the upbringing of boys. It is a crime in our country that so many men are sidelined by the courts, and their exs, when it comes to the raising of the children. It is the future men who are being denied vital life lessons, and it is our society that will pay the price.

The conventional wisdom that the mother is the better parent in all things is as absurd as hiring a plumber to fix a soufflé. Mothers are vitally important at certain times, just as fathers are vitally important at others, to idolize one, and ignore the other is philosophically imbalanced and illogical.

This Father’s Day I’d like to see an awareness of the important role that men play in raising boys, who in turn become fathers. Father’s Day is a day honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society, but to do that, we first have to really understand what they do. It’s about more than just paying child support and every other weekend.

At least, it should be.

Gay Dads Are Fabulous Fathers !

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Gay, Parental Alienation, Paternity Issues, Strategy Issues, Uncategorized on June 15, 2010 at 6:39 am

In a recent study on gay fathers, it has been discovered that gay men make great parents. They scale back their lifestyle, engage more with their co-workers and participate more fully in the society around them of parents.

This is beneficial for the the children, the parents and society at large. Coming on the heels of another study showing the benefits of a lesbian household for children, the benefits of gay parenting is being proven and hopefully soon states like Florida which have restrictions on adoptions by gay parents can be struck down in the courts, either of public opinion or in the judicial system.

“I spent a hundred grand, now I’m broke, and still not divorced!”

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Child Support, Parental Alienation, Paternity Issues, Perjury, Property Issues, Spousal Support, Strategy Issues on June 3, 2010 at 9:17 pm

If I had a buck for every time I’ve heard this same sad line, I’d have a TON of money.

When people are going through a divorce they are in a hightened emotional state and there are many, many MANY lawyers out there who know it, and take gross advantage of their clients. These are the “Sharks” the “powerhouse law firms”, the people who advertise themselves as ‘The Firm to Beat!” I call BULLSHIT.

In eleven years of practicing, I have seen exactly ONE case I can point to where a client REALLY NEEDED TO SPEND six figures. She came to me and said her husband had hidden 12 million dollars in the Bahamas, and the truth was he had.

Most of the cases where people are spending such large amounts of money it has NOTHING TO DO with the case, but with the amount of money the lawyers can talk the clients in to spending. I’ve gone up against the biggest law firms in town and frankly, at the end of the day, the results are the same, only my clients still have the bulk of their money in tact.

A client needs to have clear, simple, direct advice from their lawyers. I can generally tell you in the first 15 minutes of an interview what the most likely result of a case is going to be, and what is the most practical course of action. If you don’t get a simple, direct answer from your lawyer, odds are, you’re going to get a really large bill, and when you’re out of money, and they’ve dropped you.

When that happens, you’ll end up in my office saying something like, “I spent a hundred grand, now I’m broke, and still not divorced! can you get this over with?” Yes, yes, we can.

HOW TO FIGHT A LIAR IN COURT

In child custody, Child Support, Perjury, Spousal Support, Strategy Issues on May 28, 2010 at 11:41 am

The biggest frustration most people have in court, is the lying. In theory, no one is lying, because testimony is taken under oath. In reality, every case is riddled with lies, half truths, shades of fact and the greatest of all, the omission of a critical fact that totally changes the situation.

In the court’s eyes, as a lawyer I’m supposed to be the champion for my client, and I’m expected to have vetted their testimony to make sure that it’s true. Most of the time I’ve spent a great deal of effort to explain to the client that judges hate liars and I coach them to be as truthful as possible.

Inevitably when I get in to a child custody hearing or a divorce trial, it gets heated and the cries of “She lied!” “She’s committing perjury!!” “That’s a lie!” start.

In every courtroom, those phrases are said, every day. And frequently it’s true. Some days it’s her, and some days it’s him, but no matter what, someone, somewhere is shading, spinning, omitting or outright lying.

I know it. You know it. The judge knows it.

The angry and frustrated clients always say “Put her in jail!” That’s not going to happen so much. Judges can’t put away everyone who lied in court, there’d be no room for the real criminals.

So what’s the point of having people testify under penalty of perjury, if there’s no penalty ? Well, it’s about credibility. Once a judge knows, or even suspects, that someone’s lying to the court, their credibility goes out the window.

I had a case earlier this year, where the ex-wife said she was married in a Michigan court, and then said she was single in a California court. The judge looked at the other lawyer and said, “so either she lied in Michigan, or she lied in California, either way, she’s a liar!”

It was a bad day for that lawyer, because now they’re fighting up stream with a judge who’s experience with the client is that she’s not to be trusted. In Family Court, when the judges are making decisions on issues like who should be the primary custodial parent, that sort of taint can kill your case.

Which is why I always advise my clients that lying is a very bad thing. No they’re not going to go jail, but they’ll never have the same, and in some courts any, credibility again.

The question then becomes how to prove your case, if you know you’re dealing with a liar. Fighting a lie, is like shadow boxing, for so often it comes down to: he said, she said. Generally the best way to get rid of the shadow is to turn on all the lights and face them to your accuser and make them fight a battle that they don’t want.

If my client is accused of being a pot smoker, we provide the prescription, then we attack with bad parenting and lack of time to devote to the child. That’s how we fight a war, in which there are no winners.

“Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
‘Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him,
And makes me poor indeed.

Shakespeare, OTHELLO,
Act III.

EMERGENCY PROTECTIVE ORDERS

In child custody, Perjury on May 27, 2010 at 7:09 am

This coming weekend is Memorial Day weekend and that means there will be overly drunk parents, tired children and likely lots of fighting.

The courts are closed on Monday, so if someone attacks you and you need a Restraining Order what can you do? Easy, call the police and tell them you want an EMERGENCY PROTECTIVE ORDER, sometimes called and E.P.O. or Restraining Order.

Usually you need a judge to sign off, but on weekends and holidays there’s no judge around, so the police can issue an EPO that’s good for five days, during those days you must go to court for a regular Restraining Order.

As a man if you’ve been attacked by a drunk girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you need to go to get a EPO and take the kids someplace safe. Otherwise be ready to defend yourself against the EPO they’ll file against you!

“But she’s lying!” Yup, see my previous post on perjury.

WHY IS PERJURY NOT PUNISHED?

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Child Support, Parental Alienation, Perjury, Property Issues, Spousal Support, Strategy Issues on May 27, 2010 at 6:44 am

“She lied!” “She’s committing perjury!!” “That’s a lie!” Every day. In every courtroom, those phrases are said.

I know she’s lying. You know she’s lying. The judge probably knows if it’s a really bad one.

“Put her in jail!” That’s not going to happen so much. Judges can’t put away every liar, there’d be no room for the real criminals.

So what’s the point ? Well, it’s about credibility. Once a judge knows, or even suspects, that someone’s lying to the court, their credibility goes out the window.

I had a case where the ex-wife said she was married in a Michigan court, and said she was single in a California court. The judge looked at the lawyer and said, “so either she lied in Michigan, or she lied in court, either way, she’s a liar!”

Bad day for that lawyer!

Bottom line: perjury happens, judges know, they can’t do much about it, but it can ruin a case for the liar.

Don’t Put Up with Domestic Abuse – Get a Restraining Order.

In child custody, Child Custody Issues, Parental Alienation, Property Issues, Strategy Issues on December 2, 2009 at 8:21 am

This holiday season is upon us, and with it comes the inevitable increase in fights among family members.

It’s the first day of December and already we’re seeing an uptick in the family squabbles that are resulting in emergency protective orders, which are issued by the police and must be followed up with a request for a temporary restraining order.

The first thing to know is that the police have a legal obligation to prevent violence. In a domestic dispute if there are sufficient grounds to believe that violence is about to occur, the police can and will issue an emergency protective order. And frequently when the police are called for domestic violence, they are forced to arrest one party, whether it be the husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. If you are faced with a domestic violence situation depending on whether you are the man or the woman, you should be prepared to leave the home immediately taking with you any children.

There are 23 shelters in Los Angeles that are available from Artesia to Whittier. Though most of them will not take a man. Sexism is rife throughout the domestic violence protection community as men are vilified as the perpetrators.

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