Archive for August, 2008|Monthly archive page

I Can’t Pay My Child Support, Can I See My Kids?

In Child Custody Issues, Child Support, Parental Alienation, Strategy Issues on August 30, 2008 at 9:39 am

Moms love to link the ability to pay Child Support to Dad’s visitation.

Many moms try to keep the fathers away from the kids, if dad is behind in child support.


You should not be prevented from seeing your kids, just because you can’t afford the child support. Your relationship with your kids goes beyond that of the financial. You’re more than just an ATM for Mom’s needs.

The courts, AND MOM, have to allow you to have time with your kids so that you can build a relationship and bond with them. No one can prevent a willing father from seeing his father, just because he’s out of money.


She’s a Bad Parent – How Can She Have Rights?

In Child Custody Issues, Parental Alienation, Strategy Issues on August 23, 2008 at 4:27 pm

This is the cry of many a father who is fighting to save his kids. Of those fathers who come to see me who want to take “full custody” or “primary custody” of their kids, many of them say things about their ex, like that.

I hear stories about moms who are prostitutes, drug abusers, alcoholics, negligent, abusive, mentally abusive, physically abusive, emotionally abusive. I have gone up against moms who hit engage in fights with their children that end up causing scars, both physical and emotional.

The sad fact is that these moms will still get some custody and/or visitation with their children.  The reason why is that even a bad mother, has a right to see her children.

And that goes for dads as well. Even terrible, horrible, abusive fathers, have a right to see their kids. The thing to remember, is that the parents right to share in raising their children is SUPERIOR to even the best interests of the child.

Even if every judge, every lawyer, every counselor says it is in the best interests of the child to not see their parent, that parent still has a right to a relationship with that kid, and a judge will order visitation.

The Value of a Father

In Child Custody Issues, Strategy Issues on August 18, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Here’s a video trailer of the book The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood by Ta-Nehisi Coates, it’s a very good video essay on the value of the African American father in a child’s life, and how rare it is for a father to be present.


Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse Charges

In Child Custody Issues, Strategy Issues on August 12, 2008 at 5:05 pm

I’ve written a piece at www.divorce360.com on the Nuclear Option that some Moms are using against Dad in a Custody Fight these days – CHARGING HIM WITH SEXUALLY ABUSING THE KIDS. The main article is about the effects of it, and how to defend yourself against the allegation.

From the Sidebar at


1. Have a video record of your visitations that objectively shows how you and your child interact.
One of the common complaints from fathers is that mom is misinterpreting children’s “potty mouth” play. Fart jokes can befunny, but if a kid tells mom, “Dad and I were playing with our butts” it can send up the wrong red flags. Having playtime on video can show how harmless your actions really were.

2. Doctors are mandated reporters, meaning if they suspect abuse, they must report it.
Be vigilant about what happened and why. When a child is taken to the doctor, be aware of HOW a question is phrased. In one case, mom was asking about a daughter’s urinary tract infection this way, “Is it possible she was sexually molested?” The way in which the question is phrased makes it almost impossible for a doctor to say “No.” This can be misconstrued by a nervous mother as “proof” of dads molestation.

3. Photos are also important.
They are particularly important if a child comes homes withscrapes and bruises that mom hasn’t seen before. Children hurt themselves all the time, but you should document as much as you can, so that if you need to defend yourself, you can show that the child is prone to getting hurt.

4. Keep a written diary of what you do with the kids and who was there.
Having a long list of witnesses to your parenting abilities can be crucial to cutting off allegations of negligence on your part.

5. If your ex is starting to wage the abuse war, you have to go on the alert.
Be aware of the set up situation — This is where something crucial, like a medication, has been withheld by mom and then mom calls Child Protective Services on the pretext that the child is in mortal danger. This can happen.

Child Support – Keep the Check!

In Child Support, Strategy Issues on August 6, 2008 at 2:03 pm

         Most of us have at some time had to keep records of our expenses. For a job, a charity pancake breakfast, working with the Scouts, all these are times when you need to keep a record of what you spent so that you can be reimbursed. And if you lose a gas receipt, or forget about that three gallons of milk, it’s really not a huge deal.

Not so with Child Support.

       Child support is whole new ballgame. When it comes to paying child support you must be as alert as Jack Bauer is when he’s saving the President’s life. You cannot let anything go to chance.

       As a parent, you want to provide for your child. You want to make sure they have their needs met. What you don’t want to do is be a bookkeeper – however that is precisely what you must be.

        The rules on Child Support are hard and fast, and there is very little compassion for the father who, tearfully and honestly, tells a court, “I gave her cash every week for ten years.” Oops, sorry, if you can’t prove that you have paid every last dime that you owe your ex for the care and feeding of your child, you have to pay it again.” Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t Use The Internet to Wage Divorce War!

In Strategy Issues on August 5, 2008 at 10:30 pm

The original article is : YouTube, Divorce and Airing your Dirty Laundry – Divorce360.com

Tricia Walsh Smith, a New York playwright ( can you say Drama Queen?) chose to air her ugly divorce on YouTube, including allegations about her soon to be ex’s impotence – bad idea. This doesn’t make the judge like you more, and it does open you up to at least the possibility of being sued, and possibly sanctioned by the judge.

I am quoted as follows:

David Pisarra, a Los Angeles divorce attorney, said the video is just another sign of the times. “Everyone in this modern day wants their 15 minutes of fame. This may be her way of getting it. It’s also part of today’s social networking. Everyone is always plugged in all the time…. People who go on MySpace and blog can quickly have 200 friends… This is how people today choose to connect to each other. It’s a very human emotion, people crave connections. We’ll do anything we can do to get them. This is the latest rendition of how people chose to connect to each other.”

 Here’s the complete original article:


and the actual Tricia Walsh-Smith video here:

“Nice Doesn’t Count in Court” – Divorce360.com

In Child Custody Issues, Property Issues, Strategy Issues on August 5, 2008 at 10:04 pm

Here’s a quote from an article in which I say:

“Nice” isn’t codified in the family code so judges have no parameters to use it,” said David Pisarra, 41, partner in the Santa Monica, Calif., law office of Pisarra and Grist. “It speaks to the fact that marriage is a business contract and emotions have very little impact in proceedings.”  

The full article is here: http://www.divorce360.com/articles/695/nice-doesnt-count-in-court.aspx

Charlie Sheen to Fight Back!

In Child Custody Issues, Parental Alienation, Strategy Issues on August 5, 2008 at 1:25 am

Fox News is reporting:

Charlie Sheen is planning to sue his ex-wife Denise Richards for defamation and seek full custody of their two daughters after she told a court he molested them, the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column reports.

This is GREAT news for the men in California – the Family Code says that if she is making false accusations, he could be granted full custody of the children – I’d like to see it happen!


In Child Custody Issues, Strategy Issues on August 5, 2008 at 12:26 am


When you’re first told you are going to be a father, naturally the expectations of what the future will look like pop into your head. You think of fishing trips and baseball games, ballet recitals and happy holiday memories being created.

At first you and mom, are getting along great, you agree on what needs to be done to properly raise a child. Mom’s in charge a lot, at first, because of the necessity to breastfeed, attend to the endless needs of a newborn and her own maternal instincts. This works at first, but it also sets a pattern for your relationship with your child. Mom’s in charge and dad does what mom says to provide for the growth and well-being of the newborn. Read the rest of this entry »

How Men Get SLAUGHTERED In A Divorce

In Child Support, Property Issues, Spousal Support, Strategy Issues on August 5, 2008 at 12:11 am


             “Men always take it in the shorts, in court” – this is a very common sentiment among the husbands and fathers who are entering into the arena of battle called Family Court. It is an extremely unfamiliar playground for most men, because the rules of the game run contrary to what we as young boys are taught.

            As a child, a boy is taught to be tough, don’t let your emotions show, and conquer the other side with overwhelming strength. In the adult world of business and careers, those are exactly the skills that one needs to succeed.

            As a new husband and father, men are taught to be a good provider, which means to bring home a big paycheck to buy a big home, to pay for daycare and after-school activities like gymnastics, ballet, little league and soccer. This drive for career success provides men with a sense of accomplishment as they become the stereotype of ‘American Dad’.

            Then the divorce comes. Custody battles start, and the fight over money to support the child begins.

            This is where most men lose the battle before they even go into court. Not because the court is inherently against them, but because they don’t know the rules, and more importantly the goal of the game. Read the rest of this entry »